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許多的NBA球星都來自社會最黑暗的角落，他們曾經歷最掙扎、最辛苦的人生。無論是Allen Iverson這樣的超級球星，或是Caron Butler這樣的角色球員、休息室領袖，他們艱難的上半輩子是什麼模樣，或許從他們自己口中說出更加動人。譯者將翻譯國王隊老將Caron Butler撰寫的文章「孤獨」，描述他自身的童年故事。

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原著(Author)：Caron Butler
文章名稱：Solitary (孤獨)
日期：2015/10/05
來源： The Player’s Tribune

http://www.theplayerstribune.com/caron-butler-my-brothers-keeper/

Spending time alone can be both therapeutic and traumatic. But it all depends on context.
花時間獨處可以療癒心靈，也可能帶來創傷，這完全視情況而定。

For example, going for a drive at the end of a long day can be a great way to clear your head. Spending time in solitary confinement as a teenager? Not so much.
舉例來說，用開車出去兜個風來結束漫長的一天可以提神醒腦；而像個青少年把自己關在一個封閉的空間呢？效果大概不怎麼樣吧。

However, for me, the latter likely ended up saving my life. Fighting with a fellow inmate, who was also a member of a rival gang in my neighborhood in Racine, Wisconsin, led to me spending 23 hours a day, for two weeks, in a 10-by-12-foot cell.
然而，對我來說，第二個方法最後拯救了我的人生。在我的家鄉，威斯康辛州拉辛市，我在監獄裡跟一個敵對幫派的小混混幹了一架，這也直接導致我花了兩個禮拜，每天23小時，在一個只有12呎長的單人牢房中度過。

My life up until that point seemed destined for failure. All the male role models in my family went through the penal system, incarcerated for drugs, guns or gang-related charges. They were all locked up at some point during my early years. I often wondered if everyone from my inner-circle would be killed in the streets or die in prison.
我的人生到此刻看來，注定要走向失敗。所有我家族中的男性長輩給我的榜樣，不是因為販毒、槍械就是組織犯罪而被定罪、監禁。在我幼年的某個時間點，他們全部都被關過。我經常懷疑在我周遭這個小圈圈的所有人，是不是都會慘死街頭，或是終老監獄。

Fear, and the belief that I couldn’t change my ill-fated destiny, led me down the same path. By the time I was 11 years old, I was already selling cocaine on the south side of Racine. I had been arrested over a dozen times by the time I went to high school, but things came to a head when I was 15. I came to Racine Park high school with a .32-caliber pistol and let an older friend of mine use my locker to stash cocaine. Members of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found both the gun and cocaine in my locker. As I said, the gun was mine but the cocaine was not. However, the code of the streets led me to keep quiet and accept that charge as well.
恐懼、以及深信自身無法扭轉那病態的宿命，最終將我推往相同的道路。當我11歲時，我已經在拉辛市南邊販賣古柯鹼。在我進入高中以前，我被逮捕的次數已經超過一打，而在15歲那年，發生了一件大事。當時我就讀拉辛公園高中，我帶了一把點三二的手槍，並且讓一個比我年長的朋友借用我的置物櫃藏古柯鹼，卻被菸酒、槍砲彈藥部門的人員搜出。就如同我說的，槍是我的，而毒品不是，基於道上的規矩，我選擇保持沉默並將責任一肩扛起。

I was taken to Racine Correctional Institution — an adult facility — where I served two months of my 18-month sentence before being transferred to the Ethan Allen School for Boys. Don’t let the name fool you; this “school” was home to criminals who had committed robbery, rape and murder.
我被移送到拉辛矯正學院，一個成人機構，在那裏，我服了18個月刑期中的兩個月，然後又被轉送到伊森艾倫男子學校。別被「學校」的名詞給騙了，那是個專門收容強盜、強姦與謀殺等重犯的地方。

At just 15, I was a convict, facing more than a year behind bars, and I was a father-to-be. At an age where most teenagers’ biggest dilemma is who to ask to the next school dance, I was facing extreme life-altering situations.
年僅15歲的我經歷了超過一年的牢獄歲月，同時，我也即將成為一名小爸爸。當大多數同齡的青少年最困擾的問題是要邀請誰一起參加下次學校辦的舞會時，我已來到人生轉變最劇烈的階段。

Throughout all of this, my mother, Mattie Paden, was there for me. When I was arrested, she followed the police car in her blue Mercury station wagon. She even spent that night in her car in the parking lot because she didn’t want me to feel alone.
當我歷經這一切的同時，我的母親，瑪蒂‧培登自始至終都陪伴著我。當我被逮捕時，她開著她的藍水星(譯按1)跟在警車後面；她當晚甚至在警局外的停車格中過夜，只希望我不要感到孤單。

My mother worked two jobs and sacrificed so much for us to get by. Back then she wasn’t able to reap the benefits of her hard work. Coming home to eviction notices and violence in the neighborhood were not rare occurrences. Sometimes things seemed like they would never get better for us, but my mom always believed that we could make it through anything. More importantly, she believed in me. Even after I was sent away to Ethan Allen and she was still working two jobs, she’d make that long drive to see me for visiting hours, then she’d drive home with barely enough time for a nap before going to work again. My mother is the strongest woman I know. Without her love and support, I am not sure where I would be today.
我的母親為了度過這個難關犧牲很多，兼兩份差的薪水也僅能勉強維持生活，回到家經常被房東追債，警告她搬離，或是面臨附近混混的暴力行為。有時候事情的走向似乎永遠不會變好了，但她堅信我們能度過難關。更重要的是，母親相信我。就算我被送進伊森艾倫男子學校服刑，她仍舊兼兩份差，然後抽空花好幾個小時的時間開車來看我，再用同樣的時間開車回去。在她隔天出門工作前，睡眠時間所剩無幾。她是我認識最堅強的女性，如果少了她的支持跟關愛，我實在不曉得我今天會怎樣。

During the two weeks that I was in solitary confinement, I reflected on the sacrifices my mother made and knew that I had to become a better man. I wanted to make her proud. I wanted her to be able to say, “That’s my son,” with a smile on her face rather than tears streaming down her cheeks. I spent many hours alone, writing her letters about my desire to make necessary changes in my life.
當我被關在獨居室的那兩個禮拜，我回憶了母親為我做的一切與犧牲，我了解到自己應該成為一個更好的男人。我希望讓她驕傲、讓她能掛著微笑跟別人說：「嘿，那是我兒子！」而不是整天以淚洗面。我花了好幾個小時寫信給她，說我有多希望為我們的生活做些必要的改變。

Some people might argue that jail turns people into better criminals. You can learn schemes and tricks on how to beat the system from fellow inmates. However, my experience was different. Being away from my family and losing my freedom influenced me to be a better human being. Without that time of desperation, I never really could’ve made the change that would save my life. It led to me becoming closer with God.
有些人可能會說，監獄使人變成更厲害的罪犯。你可以從獄友那學到一堆如何擊敗監獄系統的陰謀詭計，然而，我的經驗大不相同。離開家人與失去自由讓我成為一個更好的人，沒有這次的絕望，我可能永遠也無法做出這些拯救我人生的改變。這一切讓我更接近上帝。

Sitting in that yellow brick cell, I would think about the cycle — how people get out of prison, only to return again. I knew relatives and friends that had spent their whole lives in that cycle. I didn’t want to fall into that. I wanted to get out and stay out.
坐在那黃磚牆砌成的小牢房裡，我思考著一個循環──人們不斷的離開監獄，然後被抓回來。我認識一些親朋好友一輩子都在這循環中打轉，我不想變成那樣子，我出去之後絕對再也不要回來。

They say if you continue to do the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, it’s a sign of insanity. I didn’t want that.
有人說，如果你反覆做著同一件事情，卻期待出現不同的結果，那就是瘋了。我不想要這樣。

While I was coming to this moment of clarity and making mental strides to begin going down the right path, my mom was once again doing everything she could to help me make that change. She moved from the chaotic south side of Racine to a more stable neighborhood in midtown.
當我清楚的了解，並且下定決心要往對的方向做改變時，我的母親再一次盡可能的用各種方式幫助我。她搬離治安混亂的拉辛市南邊，來到鄰近區域比較穩定的城中。

This was crucial to my transition because, after serving nine months, I didn’t go back to the same community that I was in before. I was no longer surrounded by the criminal lifestyle. I began taking action to become a better man. I connected with my daughter, Camary, who was born just one month after I was incarcerated. I also immediately got a job at Burger King.
對我來說那是個重大的改變，經過九個月的服刑，我不再回到以前那個混亂的社區，我的周遭不再充滿犯罪者的氛圍。我開始實踐，要成為一個更好的人。我聯絡了在我被抓去關一個月後就出生的女兒卡瑪莉，也很快的在漢堡王找到一份工作。

Needless to say, it was a big change going from selling drugs to flipping Whoppers. The day I was arrested at school, I had $1,200 cash on me. Suddenly I was making minimum wage and wouldn’t come close to seeing that kind of money after a month’s worth of mopping floors and working the grill.
不用說，從販毒到做華堡肯定是大大的轉變。在我被逮那天，我身上帶了1200元現鈔(譯按2)；突然之間，我在廚房辛苦的拖地、在烤肉架旁努力工作了一個月所賺得的基本薪資還遠遠比不上那些錢。

It took time to adjust to this new lifestyle. I saw guys rolling around in new cars, having new clothes, new Jordans — reminders of all the things I couldn’t afford. Old “friends” would come in and make fun of me because of my uniform. But I knew I couldn’t go back to jail — no matter how tempting the lure of quick money was. At Bray Community Center in Racine, where I first started playing organized basketball, there’s a photo of 21 black men, many of whom I used to run with. All were under the age of 25, and now they are all dead. I knew I had to turn my life around.
適應這新的生活方式需要花一些時間。我常看到別人開新車在外頭溜搭，或是穿新衣、換喬丹的新鞋，總之都是些我負擔不起的奢侈品。「老朋友」們總會到店裡來嘲笑我的制服，但無論快速而大筆的金錢如何誘惑、挑動我的慾望，我知道我不能再回監獄了。在我開始接受正規籃球訓練的拉辛市布雷社區中心掛著一張合照，裡頭有21名黑人男子，大部分都曾經和我一起跑步、訓練。當時我們全都未滿25歲，而現在，他們全都死了(譯按3)。我知道我必須扭轉我的人生。

After being released from Ethan Allen School for Boys, I enrolled at Park High School. Though I excelled on the court, I would make another decision that would greatly benefit my future. My family and members of my community rallied behind me to help me get into a prep school. I would transfer to Maine Central Institute, a prep school in Pittsfield, Maine. That was a big turning point in my life. Because of my on-court performance there, I developed a relationship with UConn coach Jim Calhoun.
在我從伊森艾倫男子學校被釋放之後，我回到公園高中就讀。雖然我在籃球場上表現出色，我仍須做另一個關鍵的決定，以幫助我往後的人生。我的家人與社區裡的一些人士努力的將我轉進一間預校：緬因州中央學院，那是我人生中的一大轉折點。因為在預校就讀期間，我籃球場上的出色表現，讓我輾轉認識了康乃狄克大學的吉姆卡宏教練。

Receiving a scholarship to play at UConn was truly a life-defining experience. No one in my family had ever gone away to a four-year university. Everyone in my family felt like the bar had been raised. A life of crime was no longer the answer.
獲得去康大打球的獎學金是我人生中最重要的經歷，我家裡從來沒有人去讀過四年制的大學，家裡所有人似乎都感受到，禁錮我們的監獄鐵條已被拔除，一個充滿犯罪的人生已經不是唯一的答案。

It’s been 20 years since I spent two weeks alone in that 10-by-12-foot cell, but I remember it like it was yesterday. My mother and I reflect on our times of adversity all the time. To recognize the delta between where we are now and where we once were — it’s surreal and it’s a blessing.
從我被關在那12呎大的單人牢房到現在已經過了20年，不過那天的景象似乎就只是昨天而已，我和我的母親總是在回想那段艱困的時光。想到我們現在與從前的差距，這簡直不像是真的，這都是神的恩賜。

Now I speak about my journey to younger generations who are at-risk because I was them. I didn’t have an easy, structured upbringing and then suddenly became an NBA All-Star and champion. I’ve spent time in jail. I lived in a neighborhood infested with drugs and gang culture. I grew up seeing people get stabbed and shot. Despite all of that, by the grace of God, hard work and the devotion of my mother, I’m in the position that I’m in today. Younger generations need to see a real, tangible example of making it.
現在我向年輕一代、努力脫離類似困境的孩子們說著我的故事，因為從前的我就是現在的他們。我並未歷經一個安逸、良好的教養，然後突然就成為NBA全明星與冠軍隊成員(譯按4)。我曾在監獄待過；我曾在一個被毒品與幫派文化沾染的環境生活；我在目睹人們被砍與被槍殺的環境中長大。雖然如此，因為上帝的恩典、努力的工作以及母親全心全意的為我奉獻，我才能得到今天的地位。年輕世代需要一個真實、清晰可見的案例作為借鏡。

Maybe I went through all of this to serve them.
或許，我這一切的經歷，就是為了要替主來服事這些年輕朋友。

譯按：
1：一款常見的自用廂型車。
2：單位為美元，約合新台幣42000元。
3：Butler現年35歲，那些一起訓練的夥伴可能多數死於各種犯罪或意外。
4：Butler生涯曾入選一次NBA全明星，2011年跟隨小牛獲得NBA總冠軍，只是該季後賽他因膝傷未能出賽。

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譯者小結
去年例行賽MVP Stephen Curry這種家學淵源，有個球星老爸，高中就被鎂光燈圍繞，進聯盟沒多久就獲得最有價值球員的幸運兒是鳳毛麟角。許多NBA球星都像Butler一樣，來自社會最底層，曾經過著最痛苦的生活。當今的聯盟第一人LeBron James有個喜歡惹事生非的母親，但LBJ從不會去批評她、甚至全力保護她，因為他知道，若不是母親含辛茹苦，他不會有今天的成就。這種故事從真正經歷過這般苦難的球員口中說出來，更加有說服力，譯者期待能透過翻譯，讓更多人了解，並珍惜我們現在所擁有的一切，畢竟，比自己更辛苦的人太多太多了。

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翻譯／Michael
圖片／網路